Sam-mas Carols

Sam-mas Carols is a compilation album made by Matt Madden to celebrate the festivities of Sam-mas. It is a lot like the compilations of "Now! That's What I Call Music!" except the album was created with the aim of having all terrible songs, not good ones. It is similar to those compliations in the way that it has awful music.

Track List
1. Girl in  the Tower (King's Quest VI) by Mark Seibert

2.  Revolution Number Nine by The Beatles

3. Ten Mississippi by They Might be Giants

4. Friends by Neil Cicierega

5. Bolero by the worst person

6. Everything Is Alright (backwards) by Motion City Soundtrack

7. Now That's What I Call Polka! By “Weird Al” Yankovic

8. Green and Purple by Kritikal (no, not the cool one)

9. swag by Some Dude on r/montageparodies

10. Biggy Small VS Thomas the tank engine by Biggy Small and Thomas the tank engine

11. Rappin for Jesus by The second coming (also the reason people think white privilege is a thing)

12. - 15. Fingertips (Mysterious Whisper) by They Might Be Giants

16. Cat Planet Song by kinkyoats

17. - 19.  Fingertips (Mysterious Whisper) by They Might Be Giants

20. Fingertips (Please Pass The Milk) by They Might Be Giants

21. - 23.  Fingertips (Mysterious Whisper) by They Might Be Giants

24. They Played Us Like A Damn Fiddle [Extended] (F1NG3RS MGSV Bitch Remix) by Brandon's Lover

25. Contrabassoon Audition by A nerd

26. SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS by Andrew Gold

27. Darudolph-Snowstorm by Darude-Sandstorm

28. Spider by They Might Be Giants

29. Cr1tiKals Deer Sex Song by Cr1tiKal

30. They Might Be Giants by They Might Be Giants

31. Christopher Walken reads 'Twas the Night Before Sam-mas by Totally Christopher Walken

'Twas the Night before Sam-mas
The poem that was read for the album's final track is 'Twas the Night before Sam-mas. It was written by our lord and savior Sam the same day the album was made. Despite the very small margin of time between the two events, it was still enough time to contact Christopher Walken and have him record a reading of the poem.

Here is the Poem in full:

Twas the night before Sam-mas, and inside Sam's house

That rascal had turned off his computer mouse.

But it was not time for bed, he thought with a grin

For his strange festivities were about to begin.

He opened his bag and began to gather

Some trash- I mean, gifts, yes, it was the latter.

Some tissues, used paper, empty bags of chips

And classics like dead batteries and Q-tips.

'''But if these presents sound... somewhat unappealing'''

Your memory may grant you a better feeling.

Tell Sam last year's gift and your cries will be heard

And if you're a freshman, Well suck it up, nerd!

'''But if you're a real man who likes these cool gifts'''

You might get some chocolate to stuff in your lips.

Inspired by a present of nicely wrapped socks,

Samta Claus made a holiday that pretty much rocks.

So with his bag full and his eyes growing weary,

At 3 am he yelled, still feeling cheery,

“Merry Sam-mas to all, and to all a good night!”

And was grounded for giving his mom such a fright.

Trivia

 * As of writing this, Ten Mississippi is the worst They Might Be Giants song according to the users of the They Might Be Giants wiki.
 * Bolero was left credited to "the worst person" becasue Matt felt like he was not worth the effort of looking up his name again. Even if Matt knew his name, he didn't feel like he deserved acknowledgement
 * This song came from Matt feeling it was unfair there were so many songs by his favorite band but none by Sam's. So, he went to youtube, searched "Motion City Soundtrack" and picked the first result. To keep the theme consistent, he reversed the song before putting it on.
 * Weird Al's Now That's What I Call Polka! has far too much quality to fit in, it was included anyways to make sure the album had a thorough density of bad pop music.
 * Despite what the credit implies, Matt doesn't frequent r/montageparodies or r***it in general. He found swag and Darudolph-Snowstorm from ten minutes of lurking he did out of curiosity.
 * Fingertips (Mysterious Whisper) is on the album no less than ten times. It's not a bug, it's a feature.
 * Contrabassoon Audition came from a separate mixtape effort between Matt and Brandon Martin. It was a classical music mix, and the song was going to be on it as a joke, but had to be cut due to time constraints. It now lives on in Sam-mas Carols. They Played Us Like A Damn Fiddle had similar origins, but actually made the cut for classical music mix. You can watch the contrabassoon audition video here.
 * Cr1tiKals Deer Sex Song was put on the album for similar reasons to track 6. Matt felt like he was being a tease by putting in a song by a guy with the name Kritikal, but nothing by the Cr1tiKal we all know and love. So, he youtube'd "Cr1tiKal song" and put the first result on the album.
 * Despite the fact that it sounds like Matt Madden doing a terrible Christopher Walken impression, it really was Walken presenting on the album's last track (also the only complete original on the album, unless you count the "remix" of Everything is Alright). As mentioned in the track, he has come down with a terrible case of Terminal 7 that has spread from his brain to his throat. He is actually being treated by a local doctor. In fact, the reason Mr. McCoy has to miss school for each one of his check-ups is because they have the same cancer doctor and Walken takes the earlier appointments.
 * Matt would have put a song by Filthy Frank and a Sonic-related song, but he forgot. We all have to remember he is not Sam, so he makes mistakes like everybody else.